Sometimes I am a dickface. I was a dickface to my mom today because I could not handle the stress of being the head of the family in cell phone plan world. I could not handle the delicate balance between "YOU'RE USING UP TOO MANY MINUTES, MAN" and "STOP USING YOUR PHONE THAT YOU'RE PAYING MONTHLY THROUGH THE TEETH FOR," pawning the job off on my mom, and then being mad at her for an extended period of time. I did not realize this was such a delicate balance. I mean, I have a lot of frustration regarding this topic and am 90% sure that the occasional gray hair that sprouts up right at the top of my head above my bangs appears because of this particular stress. This is not exactly the ideal situation for me. Not ideal at all.
But when your mom starts to say you're giving her a headache after you just told her she gave you a headache and she needs to remind you that what she's using to pay for the bills is her social security money and dad's paycheck (when dad should have retired years ago), well, then you're just a dickface. I guess I am a dickface. But it was also good reminder that this really is for the best, my living out here. Because I don't feel that way usually. It only happens when I start taking down too many of those essential boundaries and lose some autonomy in the process. Ultimately, I have the power to choose my next action after an incident like this, which historically has been to curl up and cry and sleep a lot. Or eat. Or punch and kick inanimate objects and subsequently hurt myself by underestimating one of my targets. All of the above, really.
This time I chose to call mister-man for some cheering up and calming down. I told him about it hoping to be soothed by getting it off my chest, but instead I started to get all riled up again. When I realized I was just vomiting my frustration all over him (not to mention perpetuating it), then I calmed down. I guess it's sort of been a culminating week in my dickfaciness. I'd been a dickface to one of my closest friends this last several weeks too. I finally did something about it yesterday and now I get to keep my friend! I hadn't realized what a dickface I was being until I had let things get to the point where I was trying to imagine not being friends with this person. Then I got really upset and realized that the thing to do was just to stop being a dickface and forget about all the other stuff I had thought was so important to say.
Tomorrow I need to fix it with my mom, too. I can't be a dickface to my mom. She's my mom.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Oh honey child, I am the everlovin' queen of dickfacery. Believe your auntie firecat. That evil thing in the mirror? That is me.
haha, i just had to do that to my mom, actually. she, however, took it quite well and we agreed to get a bigger plan...they were cheaper by that time anyway.
of course my mom never would've gotten a cell phone had i not signed her onto my plan in the first place...so at least i can call her up to check up ;)
Post a Comment